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He Did Deliver Me From Bondage

I am an addict.  I haven’t yet identified which of my addictions is my biggest problem.  I eat to mask my emotions.  I’m a control freak.  I’m a perfectionist.  I go clothes shopping to give myself confidence.  I spend money when I’m depressed.  The list is long and ugly.  But what I know for sure is that I am an addict in every sense of the word.  I’m also married to an addict.  We have 5 children who all have addictions of various degrees and I come from a home where addiction raged on a daily basis.  I really didn’t have a chance of coming out clean.

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with carcinoma ex pleomorphic adenoma, cancer of the salivary gland.  I’m not sure if the stress my family experienced is what brought it on, but just two days after I began my radiation treatments, my family fell apart.  Since then, we have been doing the work of recovery…and it has been hard work.  For those of you who think therapy is for the weak, let me assure you that you are wrong.  It would have been much easier to continue hiding from the things that were causing distress in our lives than to drag them out in the open and fight against them.  I am often overwhelmed with the gravity of the things with which we are dealing.  But when life seems to be too much to bear, I try to look up and see hope on the horizon.  We have come a long way in the past two years.  Although the journey of healing may never be over in this life, there is evidence that the waves trying to drag us under and the winds that are constantly tossing us against the rocky shore, will eventually pass us by and we will find rest in His arms.  That is my hope.  That is my prayer.

I know there is only one source that can restore peace in my life. I know that I do not have the power to calm the storms.  And I know that it is only through admitting this that I will ever be able to find what I am looking for.  Thus, I embark on another journey…the journey of overcoming my addictions.  As I do so, my prayer is that He will deliver me from bondage. I pray that I will be as the people of Mosiah:

“But behold, he did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him.  –Mosiah 29:20

 

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