I had a dream last night that I was admitted to the hospital. After being there for several hours, I left to run some errands. They seemed very important at the time and I knew they couldn’t wait. The errands took much longer than I expected and I kept running into obstacles that would keep me from returning to the hospital. It felt like the harder I tried, the more problems and distractions came up. It finally got to the point that everywhere I went, people were telling me that Dr. Schaub wanted me back to the hospital immediately so he could try to save my hand. He was worried that I would spread infection and lose it if I didn’t get it taken care of STAT. He was leaving messages with family, friends, neighbors, people I didn’t even know.
And then there was a knock at my door and I woke up…back in St. Joseph’s Medical Center.
Yesterday, an infection began developing in the area that was workedon in last week’s surgery. Dr. Schaub called late last night to tell me I needed to go to the hospital immediately so they could start intravenous antibiotics. And so, at about 1 am, I was admitted…and have been waiting to hear something about my hand all night. There is a high chance that this infection is mersa since I had it in my hand last year. That would not be good! I could easily lose my hand to an infection of that magnitude. It is big and swollen and bright red and isn’t looking good at all. I am trying to remain positive and keep my spirits up. I know that no matter what happens, this is simply another step in the process of the refiners fire I seem to have been called to go through.
As I have been lying here in my bed, I’ve been contemplating what I would do if, at this point in the process, I’m told they have to amputate. How would I handle that news? What would it be like to lose the battle after all of the hours spent in surgery, physical therapy, doctor visits, and recovery. It almost seems like that would be the easy way out…but I’m not one who usually takes the easy way. I’ve been fighting to save my hand for a year, and I’m going to continue to fight. I know this is in God’s hands, and with the faith and prayers of those I love, I will make it through this unscathed…hand or no hand.
And so that is what I am asking of you this morning. Faith and prayers, for healing and for acceptance of whatever God has in store for me. Your love and strength have sustained me before and I know it can do so again…